One thing I love about my relationship with God is that I get epiphanies from time to time. the flipside that is not too great is that it usually comes as a slap to the face.
I have been praying a lot lately, you all know I never shut up about God. but something struck me a few days ago. I have been feeling a little draggy when it is time to pray. Sometimes, I can’t even give myself the ginger I need, I kepe having to play music first or replay corporate prayers from my church.
I did not like this. I was beating myself up a bit cause I knew that that was not the pattern I usually work with. Yet there was no difference.
I wanted that feeling I get when I pray, how I feel so joyful coming back from the presence of my father, and how light my heart is but it was nowhere to be found.
And then it clicked. I got the impression inside of me that I have been praying yet I have not.
In the past couple of weeks, I have not been spending time with God properly, I have just been showing up haphazardly, throwing my requests at him and waltzing out. It was no longer a communion it had now become a time to make demands.
Honestly, it didn’t feel that way at first. To me, I just had a long list of things I wanted, most of which are targeted towards kingdom advancement anyway, so I felt like I was pressing in the place of prayer for those things.
Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing bad about praying for your need. Where the issue comes into play is when it takes over your whole time with God that you barely even wait to hear back from him, and that is what i have been doing.
Despite that being the case, I chose not to beat myself up about it. My walk with God is a journey and I learn on the way. I make mistakes and I correct them.
It goes without saying that if you have the right relationship with God, and understand and value the holy spirit, you cannot miss it. Eventually, you will get it right. Your level of awareness to the things of the spirit would determine how much of your life is led by the Holy Spirit.
Maybe I missed it a couple of times, or maybe I ignored my feelings. But when I asked God to show me what was wrong and why I was feeling the way I was, he did. Turns out I have been the one missing it all along.
It is not the first of its kind to happen, and I would be lying to say it would be the last. I am only human afterall, but one thing I have no doubt about is the love of God for me and that he would set me straight.
I have trained my heart to to point where I am consecrated to God, and as long as my heart is submissive, I will always have room to be still and listen to the voice of reasoning (God)
Don’t be like me o, Dont just launch demands at God. Your prayer time is not really complete until you have heard back from God. Don’t say I didn’t help you like this. You don’t have to lose weeks of peace to figure it out, I already did.
Anywho, until next time. Remember to spread nothing but love and keep reaching for the stars.
